I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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