We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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