Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I had to cum in my sink.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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