Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
