I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
