I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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