he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
