so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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