I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize