I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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