You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
