The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
