i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
