so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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