i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
