Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
