He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
