Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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