I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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