Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
