Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
