If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
