Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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