I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
