Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
