please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
