after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
