im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
