i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
