Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
