Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
