I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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