Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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