Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
