she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
