I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
