I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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