He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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