if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
