Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
