found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize