Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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