that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
