i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
