It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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