Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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