Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
