saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
