An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
