u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize