Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
