My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
