i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
