This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
