I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
