he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
