this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
