So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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