rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
