yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
