I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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