i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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