Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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