but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
