I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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