Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
