Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
