That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
