Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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