There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
